Existential therapy is grounded in the understanding that human beings are not defined by a fixed nature, but are continually shaping themselves through the choices they make. Drawing on the work of thinkers such as Jean-Paul Sartre, Viktor Frankl, and Irvin D. Yalom, it recognises that with freedom comes responsibility, and that this can give rise to anxiety, uncertainty, and questions about meaning. Rather than viewing these experiences as problems to be eliminated, existential therapy sees them as a natural and important part of being human. It explores themes such as identity, purpose, isolation, and mortality, helping individuals to reflect more deeply on how they are living and what matters most to them. At its heart, this approach values authenticity, encouraging people to live in a way that is true to their values, while placing strong emphasis on the therapeutic relationship as a genuine, open, and collaborative encounter.

Deb Dana, connected to polyvagal theory, suggested that 'we are wired for connection, but trauma rewire us for protection'.  Starting therapy work can be uncomfortable or even scary because of the fear of revisiting all that makes us feel vulnerable and afraid.  A trusted therapist, who can meet you as you are and stay with you in a non-judgemental space, helps your nervous system to calm and your mind to connect.

The Existentialist therapist Irvin Yalom wisely stated that it's the relationship that heals.  After a lifetime of practice, Yalom emphasised that it is the therapeutic relationship itself that is the most powerful agent of change.  

It is always interesting at this time of the year to note how nature and life begins to emerge after winter.  The sap is rising, as the gardeners say, but it also rises in us.  Clients often begin to feel a new energy and a sense of things coming together, as the lighter days bring hope and a sense of forward momentum.  Sitting with a client yesterday, I was reminded of the power of hope, and the importance of encouraging those around us on our life's journey.  

A client recently shared a very insightful image of a ship being made seaworthy, ready to set sail when the wind blowed.  It was about taking time to prepare for some kind of movement in your life, even if you haven't yet worked out what that movement might be.  Having a sense that something new will be beginning, but not being sure of what that is.  But there are times in life when we need to prepare the ship so that when the wind does blow, we are ready to set sail.

I'm always amazed how clients make connections between the present and the past.  Talking about a current challenge often results in someone making a connection to childhood, when it seemed they set up some kind of defence mechanism that served them well at the time, but in the present time is no longer needed.  Talking therapy seems to help identify unnecessary resistance which can then be gently worked through to bring greater emotional freedom.

It's always special to hear how a client is beginning to take more responsibility for their life and future.  From feeling bashed about by life and their circumstances, to feeling like they are more in control, and more able to make positive choices.  I was amazed this week by a client I will call Mark, who spoke about having less fear about the future, and was able to imagine changing his work circumstances to better suit his life, his family, and his goals.  It left me uplifted and more hopeful about my own life! 

I thought it would be good to do a blog about what my clients have taught me this week, by being with them, and being inspired by their stories and progress.  This week I wanted to talk about a client I will call Samantha.  We have had four sessions now, and she came to me saying she felt burnt out, stressed and worried, with a strong perfectionist streak.  Being in a high-powered job, she felt that 'being good enough' was never an option.  Instead, she pursued unattainable perfection, to the point of exhaustion.  This week, she was telling me how she has begun to be able to let go of the perfectionist persona, and realise in her inner self, that being good enough is actually a healthy human state to be in.  It made me reflect again on my own life and to see where I might be too driven to succeed.